What an ideal time to write about transition… when you are 5 days from getting married. It’s exciting times around here. There is love pouring in from all over, from the most unexpected places to the most expected places but in the most unexpected ways. G and I are just having the time of our lives. And that’s really what it’s all about, right?
As a non-romantic turned romantic, I would have expected all of my inner feelings of nausea at sentiments like Two Become One to dissipate. But fundamentally, I just don’t believe in that. The transition in marriage is not about becoming someone else. Or thinking your partner will segue into whatever fantasy edition you have in your head as the ideal mate. This is reality, and we are individuals. And even more important, we are different individuals. This whole concept was totally lost on me the first time around. Not only were my ex-husband and I so much like the same person, we were both unwilling to grow and change. And how could you grow or change, if what you were faced with every day was an exact replica of yourself?
Don’t you find that the things that you consistently misunderstand about your partner are the elements of their personality that are the most different from you? It is a beautiful, infuriating thing. It can get the best of you sometimes, struggling to think differently, communicate in a different language, see things from a different POV. But it’s amazing growth to come outside yourself and appreciate your partner’s Unique Way. It’s not what you would have done/said/thought and since it’s not you doing/saying/thinking it, it makes no sense! I still think about Seth Godin’s quote and my revelation about it All. The. Time.
“Don’t assume that once someone knows things the way you know them, they will choose what you choose.”
It still makes me think. Hard.
Anyways. I’d like to come back to the word Choice, especially in that quote. Because that is where the transition is that relates to marriage, or just coupledom in general. You are not two people becoming one. You are two people who are making a choice together. The same choice. And you are committing to each other that you will make that choice every single day. It is a transition for your guests as well, because by being there, they are committing to supporting and loving you by making your choice to be together as effortless as possible. Reason #58,762 I am glad my parents will be absent. Nevermind.
I love that we have this in our vows. To each other, we plan to say
I promise to choose you every day, to love you in word and deed, and to do the hard work of making now into always
The transition is in making a single choice into always.