Day 3 – Coulda Woulda Shoulda – What didn’t you do this year because you were too scared, afraid, unsure?
I’ll rename this post: Coulda, Didn’t want to, Glad I didn’t.
I truly have a hard time recalling things that I have declined to do because I was too scared or unsure. I’m pretty decisive, and relatively brave (about most things). So, either I was not too scared to do something this year, OR more likely, I forgive myself quickly for not being able to follow through, let it go, and completely forget that I ever had the intention. It’s a peaceful mental state to be in.
I think, if you really want to do something, then just do it all out, the best you can possibly manage. And if being afraid is holding you back, then you don’t really want to do it. Just yet anyways. Give yourself a break.
So at the tail end of last year, during Day 30 of reverb 13, I got my second steroid shot into my wrist to attempt to soothe De Quervain’s Tendinosis, a burning feeling from the inside base of my wrist all the way up to my second thumb joint. Which you use for every damn thing, btw. I had been dealing with this injury since July of last year, had one shot already which failed, and had a recommendation for surgery.
I shudder at the thought.
Anesthesia? Slicing into my skin? Opening my tendon sheath? Physical therapy for weeks to recover? No BodyAttack??
No thanks!! I am afraid of this. And I did not do it primarily because I was afraid.
I admittedly have a low pain tolerance, am very much against chemical substances such as anesthetics – anything more than an advil, and am torn on the subject but do harbor a conspiracy theory against doctors, insurance, hospitals, and such. It’s a bad combination for someone who is contemplating surgery.
Needless to say, I was willing to do anything else. Anything! So I got a second opinion, and a second shot. And diligently did my stretching and strengthening exercises. I stayed off my wrist, coaching pushups and burpees from the floor, and then graduating to doing modified pushups on the balls of my hands so that my wrists can stay straight. I’m still at that point now, doing flat handed pushups just feels weird to me now.
The shot did take the edge off for about a month, but my wrist still hurt. It ached so bad in the morning when I got up and it was so stiff I couldn’t even change into my workout gear without waiting for at least 20 minutes moving it slowly to warm it up. This went on for months, to the point that I was either going to have to get a third shot, or just submit to the fact that it was not going to heal on its own and surgery would be my only option for full recovery. I decided that once G and I got married, and I had her A-mazing government insurance, that I would have the surgery in the fall of this year.
And then, towards the end of the summer and early fall, we got into the habit of taking short, hot, Epsom salt baths because our muscles were So Tight and not recovering from our workouts effectively. You can call me old lady if you want to, but it really helped. And, I don’t know if it was that, or just time, but after one particularly long Epsom salt bath, I woke up the next morning and gingerly went about my routine to avoid harsh wrist movements only to realize that it didn’t really hurt that bad. And the next morning, I deliberately pushed my wrist out in a position that would have made me scream before and nothing.
I’m still nervous. And doing pushups weirdly. But I could have had surgery by now. And I was too afraid. And I’m glad that I haven’t. I still might need to one day- my doctor explained that recurring tendonitis in this area is a biological abnormality that can be genetically passed down. But I will avoid it at all costs.