Rule #3: Say I Love You
Happy Valentine’s Day!!! #spreadthelove
There is this really obscure movie that I loved when I was in my 20’s called Love & Sex. The main characters, played by Famke Janssen <hot> and Jon Favreau <not> have a very tumultuous relationship, and at one point in the movie Jon says to Famke “I wonder if you say I love you too much it just becomes like saying cheese sandwich in old age.” And throughout the movie they say “I cheese sandwich you” as part of their inside joke. I used to feel this way about saying I love you. That saying it too much would diminish its weight and then become meaningless, like a cheese sandwich. My ex-husband felt the same way. And so, we very rarely, if ever, said it to one another.
That makes me really sad.
I definitely think that if you say something meaningless a lot, it will remain meaningless. But, if you mean it, no matter how much you say it, it is still true and valid. And validating. Of course, every time G and I exit a phone conversation we naturally glide into okloveyabye! That’s not really what I’m referring to. I mean, at least once a day, I take the feelings that stir in my heart when I look at her or think about her, look her in the eye, sometimes take her hand or her shoulder and say I love you. It’s not flip or part of a conversation exodus. It’s an expression of how I feel. And I want her to know every day and never question it, because at any moment any person in your life can be taken from you. She does the same for me. In fact, she taught me.
In its most elementary expression, verbally saying I love you, can go a long way. But, do you know the love language of the people in your life? Particularly your partner, but also your friends and your family? You can take the test here. And read my personal recommendation for the book here. It is definitely something that you should know about yourself. Once you discover your own love language you become very aware of the needs of the people around you. I love you as a verbal declaration accompanied by a corresponding love language gesture deepens its meaning and authenticity. If you say I Love You but your actions don’t back it up, you’re treading dangerously close to meaningless territory.
All of this to say, if it isn’t enough knowing that every chance you have to say I Love You might be the last chance you get (we don’t go through life morbidly anticipating this, after all), then think about telling the people in your life that you love them because they deserve to know and benefit from the openness and sincerity of your heart. That they are not only worthy of your love, but are worthy of being secure and certain of it. Nothing bad can come from more I Love Yous.